This is the account of one person’s near death experience – definitely worth the read. Mellen-Thomas Benedict goes all the way past the big bang into the void, a place of no vibration. Imagine that! Hope you enjoy this, I found it fascinating. Deep blessings to you, Carol
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In 1982 I died from terminal cancer. The condition I had was inoperable, and any kind of chemotherapy they could give me would just have made me more of a vegetable. I was given six to eight months to live.

I had been an information freak in the1970’s, and I had become increasingly despondent over the nuclear crisis, the ecology crisis, and so forth. So, since I did not have a spiritual basis, I began to believe that nature had made a mistake, and that we were probably a cancerous organism on the planet. I saw no way that we could get out from all the problems we had created for ourselves and the planet. I perceived all humans as cancer, and that is what I got.

That is what killed me. Be careful what your world view is. It can feed back on you, especially if it is a negative world view. I had a seriously negative one. That is what led me into my death. I tried all sorts of alternative healing methods, but nothing helped.

So I determined that this was really just between me and God. I had never really faced God before, or even dealt with God. I was not into any kind of spirituality at the time, but I began a journey into learning about spirituality and alterna¬tive healing. I set out to do all the reading I could and bone up on the subject, because I did not want to be surprised on the other side. So I started reading on various religions and philosophies. They were all very interesting, and gave hope that there was something on the other side. I ended up in hospice care.

I remember waking up one morning at home about 4:30 AM, and I just knew that this was it. This was the day I was going to die. So I called a few friends and said goodbye. I woke up my hospice caretaker and told her. I had a private agreement with her that she would leave my dead body alone for six hours, since I had read that all kinds of interesting things happen when you die. I went back to sleep.

The next thing I remember is the beginning of a typical near-death experience. Suddenly I was fully aware and I was standing up, but my body was in the bed. There was this darkness around me. Being out of my body was even more vivid than ordinary experience. It was so vivid that I could see every room in the house, I could see the top of the house, I could see around the house, I could see under the house.

There was this Light shining. I turned toward the Light. The Light was very similar to what many other people have described in their near-death experiences. It was so magnificent. It is tangible; you can feel it. It is alluring; you want to go to it like you would want to go to your ideal mother’s or father’s arms.

As I began to move toward the Light, I knew intuitively that if I went to the Light, I would be dead. So as I was moving toward the Light I said, “Please wait a minute, just hold on a second here. I want to think about this; I would like to talk to you before I go.” To my surprise, the entire experience halted at that point. You are in control of your life after death experience. You are not on a roller coaster ride.

So my request was honored and I had some conversations with the Light. The Light kept changing into different figures, like Jesus, Buddha, Krishna, mandalas, archetypal images and signs. I asked the Light, “What is going on here? Please, Light, clarify yourself for me. I really want to know the reality of the situation.” I cannot really say the exact words, because it was sort of telepathy.

The Light responded. The information transferred to me was that during your life after death experience your beliefs shape the kind of feedback you are getting before the Light. If you were a Buddhist or Catholic or Fundamentalist, you get a feedback loop of your own stuff. You have a chance to look at it and examine it, but most people do not. As the Light revealed itself to me, I became aware that what I was really seeing was our higher Self matrix.

We all have a higher Self, or an oversoul part of our being. It revealed itself to me in its truest energy form. The only way I can really describe it is that the being of the higher Self is more like a conduit. It did not look like that, but it is a direct connection to the Source that each and every one of us has. We are directly connected to the Source. So the Light was showing me the higher Self matrix. I was not committed to one particular religion. So that is what was being fed back to me during my life after death experience.

As I asked the Light to keep clearing for me, to keep explaining, I understood what the higher Self matrix is. We have a grid around the planet where all the higher Selves are connected. This is like a great company, a next subtle level of energy around us, the spirit level, you might say. Then, after a couple of minutes, I asked for more clarification. I really wanted to know what the universe is about, and I was ready to go at that time. I said “I am ready, take me.”

Then the Light turned into the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen: a mandala of human souls on this planet. Now I came to this with my negative view of what was happening on the planet. So as I asked the Light to keep clarifying for me, I saw in this magnificent mandala how beautiful we all are in our essence, our core. We are the most beautiful creations.

The human soul, the human matrix that we all make together is absolutely fantastic, elegant, exotic, everything. I just cannot say enough about how it changed my opinion of human beings in that instant. I said, “Oh, God, I did not know how beautiful we are.” At any level, high or low, in whatever shape you are in, you are the most beautiful creation, you are.

The revelations coming from the Light and seemed to go on and on, then I asked the Light, “Does this mean that Mankind will be saved?” Then, like a trumpet blast with a shower of spiraling lights, the Great Light spoke, saying, “Remember this and never forget; you save, redeem and heal yourself. You always have. You always will. You were created with the power to do so from before the beginning of the world.”

In that instant I realized even more. I realized that WE HAVE ALREADY BEEN SAVED, and we saved ourselves because we were designed to self-correct like the rest of God’s universe. This is what the second coming is about. I thanked the Light of God with all my heart. The best thing I could come up with was these simple words of total appreciation: “Oh dear God, dear Universe, dear Great Self, I Love My Life.”

The Light seemed to breathe me in even more deeply. It was as if the Light was completely absorbing me. The Love Light is, to this day, indescribable. I entered into another realm, more profound than the last, and became aware of something more, much more. It was an enormous stream of Light, vast and full, deep in the Heart of Life. I asked what this was.

The Light responded, “This is the RIVER OF LIFE. Drink of this manna water to your heart’s content.” So I did. I took one big drink and then another. To drink of Life Itself! I was in ecstasy.

Then the Light said, “You have a desire.” The Light knew all about me, everything past, present and future. “Yes!” I whispered.

I asked to see the rest of the Universe; beyond our solar system, beyond all human illusion. The Light then told me that I could go with the Stream. I did, and was carried Through the Light at the End of the Tunnel. I felt and heard a series of very soft sonic booms. What a rush!

Suddenly I seemed to be rocketing away from the planet on this stream of Life. I saw the earth fly away. The solar system, in all its splendor, whizzed by and disappeared. At faster than light speed, I flew through the center of the galaxy, absorbing more knowledge as I went. I learned that this galaxy, and all of the Universe, is bursting with many different varieties of LIFE. I saw many worlds. The good news is that we are not alone in this Universe!

As I rode this stream of consciousness through the center of the galaxy, the stream was expanding in awesome fractal waves of energy. The super clusters of galaxies with all their ancient wisdom flew by. At first I thought I was going somewhere; actually traveling. But then I realized that, as the stream was expanding, my own consciousness was also expanding to take in everything in the Universe! All creation passed by me. It was an unimaginable wonder! I truly was a Wonder Child; a babe in Wonderland!

At this point, I found myself in a profound stillness, beyond all silence. I could see or perceive FOREVER, beyond Infinity.

I was in the Void.

I was in pre-creation, before the Big Bang. I had crossed over the beginning of time/the First Word/the First vibration. I was in the Eye of Creation. I felt as if I was touching the Face of God. It was not a religious feeling. Simply I was at one with Absolute Life and Consciousness.

When I say that I could see or perceive forever, I mean that I could experience all of creation generating itself. It was without beginning and without end. That’s a mind expanding thought, isn’t it?

Scientists perceive the Big Bang as a single event which created the Universe. I saw during my life after death experience that the Big Bang is only one of an infinite number of Big Bangs creating Universes endlessly and simultaneously. The only images that even come close in human terms would be those created by super computers using fractal geometry equations.

The ancients knew of this. They said God had periodically created new Universes by breathing out, and recreated other Universes by breathing in. These epochs were called Yugas. Modern science called this the Big Bang. I was in absolute, pure consciousness. I could see or perceive all the Big Bangs or Yugas creating and recreating themselves. Instantly I entered into them all simultaneously. I saw that each and every little piece of creation has the power to create. It is very difficult to try to explain this. I am still speechless about this.

It took me years after I returned from my near-death experience to assimilate any words at all for the Void experience. I can tell you this now: the Void is less than nothing, yet more than everything that is! The Void is absolute zero; chaos forming all possibilities. It is Absolute Consciousness; much more than even Universal Intelligence.

The Void is the vacuum or nothingness between all physical manifestations. The SPACE between atoms and their components. Modern science has begun to study this space between everything. They call it Zero point. Whenever they try to measure it, their instruments go off the scale, or to infinity, so to speak. They have no way, as of yet, to measure infinity accurately. There is more of the 0 space in your own body and the Universe than anything else!

What mystics call the Void is not a void. It is so full of energy, a different kind of energy that has created everything that we are. Everything since the Big Bang is vibration, from the first Word, which is the first vibration. The biblical “I am” really has a question mark after it. “I am—What am I?” So creation is God exploring God’s Self through every way imaginable, in an on¬going, infinite exploration through every one of us. I began to see during my near-death experience that everything that is, is the Self, literally, your Self, my Self. Everything is the great Self. That is why God knows even when a leaf falls. That is possible because wherever you are is the center of the universe.

Wherever any atom is, that is the center of the universe. There is God in that, and God in the Void.

As I was exploring the Void during my life after death experience and all the Yugas or creations, I was completely out of time and space as we know it. In this expanded state, I discovered that creation is about Absolute Pure Consciousness, or God, coming into the Experience of Life as we know it. The Void itself is devoid of experience. It is pre life, before the first vibration. Godhead is about more than Life and Death. Therefore there is even more than Life and Death to experience in the Universe!

When I realized this I was finished with the Void, and wanted to return to this creation, or Yuga. It just seemed like the natural thing to do. Then I suddenly came back through the second Light, or the Big Bang, hearing several more velvet booms. I rode the stream of consciousness back through all of creation, and what a ride it was! The super clusters of galaxies came through me with even more insights. I passed through the center of our galaxy, which is a black hole. Black holes are the great processors or recyclers of the Universe.

Do you know what is on the other side of a Black Hole? We are; our galaxy, which has been reprocessed from another Universe. In its total energy configuration, the galaxy looked like a fantastic city of lights. All energy this side of the Big Bang is light. Every sub atom, atom, star, planet, even consciousness itself is made of light and has a frequency and/or particle. Light is living stuff. Everything is made of light, even stones. So everything is alive. Everything is made from the Light of God; everything is very intelligent.

As I rode the stream on and on, I could eventually see a huge Light coming. I knew it was the First Light; the higher Self Light Matrix of our solar system. Then the entire solar system appeared in the Light, accompanied by one of those velvet booms.

I could see all the energy that this solar system generates, and it is an incredible light show! I could hear the Music of the Spheres. Our solar system, as do all celestial bodies, generates a unique matrix of light, sound and vibratory energies. Advanced civilizations from other star systems can spot life as we know it in the universe by the vibratory or energy matrix imprint. It is child’s play. The earth’s Wonder child (human beings) make an abundance of sound right now, like children playing in the backyard of the universe.

The Light explained to me that there is no death; we are immortal beings. We have already been alive forever! I realized that we are part of a natural living system that recycles itself endlessly. I was never told that I had to come back. I just knew that I would. It was only natural, from what I had seen during my life after death experience.

I don’t know how long I was with the Light, in human time. But there came a moment when I realized that all my questions had been answered and my return was near. When I say that all my questions were answered on the other side, I mean to say just that. All my questions have been answered. Every human has a different life and set of questions to explore. Some of our questions are Universal, but each of us is exploring this thing we call Life in our own unique way. So is every other form of life, from mountains to every leaf on every tree.

And that is very important to the rest of us in this Universe. Because it all contributes to the Big Picture, the fullness of Life. We are literally God exploring God’s self in an infinite Dance of Life. Your uniqueness enhances all of Life.

As I began my return to the life cycle, it never crossed my mind, nor was I told that I would return to the same body. It just did not matter. I had complete trust in the Light and the Life process. As the stream merged with the great Light, I asked never to forget the revelations and the feelings of what I had learned on the other side.

There was a “Yes.” It felt like a kiss to my soul.

Then I was taken back through the Light into the vibratory realm again. The whole process reversed, with even more information being given to me. I came back home, and I was given lessons from my near-death experience on the mechanics of reincarnation. I was given answers to all those little questions I had: “How does this work? How does that work?” I knew that I would be reincarnated.

The earth is a great processor of energy, and individual consciousness evolves out of that into each one of us. I thought of myself as a human for the first time, and I was happy to be that. From what I have seen, I would be happy to be an atom in this universe. An atom. So to be the human part of God… this is the most fantastic blessing. It is a blessing beyond our wildest estimation of what blessing can be. For each and every one of us to be the human part of this experience is awesome, and magnificent. Each and every one of us, no matter where we are, screwed up or not, is a blessing to the planet, right where we are.

I went through the reincarnation process expecting to be a baby somewhere. But I was given a lesson on how individual identity and consciousness evolve. I was so surprised when I opened my eyes. I do not know why, because I understood it, but it was still such a surprise to be back in this body, back in my room with someone looking over me crying her eyes out. It was my hospice caretaker. She had given up an hour and a half after finding me dead. My body was stiff and inflexible. She went into the other room. Then I awakened and saw the light outside. I tried to get up to go to it, but I fell out of the bed. She heard a loud “clunk,” ran in and found me on the floor.

When I recovered, I was very surprised and yet very awed about what had happened to me during my near-death experience. At first all the memory of the trip that I have now was not there. I kept slipping out of this world and kept asking, “Am I alive?” This world seemed more like a dream than that one. Within three days I was feeling normal again, clearer, yet different than I had ever felt in my life. My memory of my near-death experience came back later. I could see nothing wrong with any human being I had ever seen. Before that I was really judgmental. I thought a lot of people were really screwed up, in fact I thought that everybody was screwed up but me. But I got clear on all that.

About three months later a friend said I should get tested, so I went and got the scans and so forth. I really felt good, so I was afraid of getting bad news. I remember the doctor at the clinic looking at the before and after scans, saying, “Well, there is nothing here now.” I said, “Really, it must be a miracle”’ He said “No, these things happen; they are called spontaneous remission.” He acted very unimpressed. But here was a miracle, and I was impressed, even if no one else was.

During my near-death experience I had a descent into what you might call Hell, and it was very surprising. I did not see Satan or evil. My descent into Hell was a descent into each person’s customized human misery, ignorance, and darkness of not knowing. It seemed like a miserable eternity. But each of the millions of souls around me had a little star of light always available. But no one seemed to pay attention to it. They were so consumed with their own grief, trauma and misery. But, after what seemed an eternity, I started calling out to that Light, like a child calling to a parent for help.

Then the Light opened up and formed a tunnel that came right to me and insulated me from all that fear and pain, That is what Hell really is. So what we are doing is learning to hold hands, to come together. The doors of Hell are open now. We are going to link up, hold hands, and walk out of Hell together. The Light came to me and turned into a huge golden angel. I said, “Are you the angel of death?” It expressed to me that it was my oversoul, my higher Self matrix, a super ancient part of ourselves. Then I was taken to the Light.

Soon our science will quantify spirit. Isn’t that going to be wonderful? We are coming up with devices now that are sensitive to subtle energy or spirit energy. Physicists use these atomic colliders to smash atoms to see what they are made of. They have got it down to quarks and charm, and all that. Well, one day they are going to come down to the little thing that holds it all together, and they are going to have to call that … God. We are just beginning to understand that we are creating too, as we go along. As I saw forever, I came to a realm during my near-death experience in which there is a point where we pass all knowledge and begin creating the next fractal, the next level. We have that power to create as we explore. And that is God expanding itself through us.

Since my return I have experienced the Light spontaneously, and I have learned how to get to that space almost any time in my meditation. Each one of you can do this. You do not have to die or have a near-death experience to do this. It is within your equipment; you are wired for it already. The body is the most magnificent Light being there is. The body is a universe of incredible Light. Spirit is not pushing us to dissolve this body. That is not what is happening. Stop trying to become God; God is becoming you. Here.

I asked God: “What is the best religion on the planet? Which one is right?” And Godhead said, with great love: “I don’t care.” That was incredible grace. When Godhead said, “I don’t care,” I immediately understood that it is for us to care about. It is important, because we are the caring beings. It matters to us and that is where it is important. What you have is the energy equation in spirituality. Ultimate Godhead does not care if you are Protestant, Buddhist, or whatever. It is all a blooming facet of the whole. I wish that all religions would realize it and let each other be. It is not the end of each religion, but we are talking about the same God. Live and let live. Each has a different view. And it all adds up to the big picture; it is all important.

I went over to the other side during my near-death experience with a lot of fears about toxic waste, nuclear missiles, the population explosion, the rainforest. I came back loving every single problem. I love nuclear waste. I love the mushroom cloud; this is the holiest mandala that we have manifested to date, as an archetype. It, more than any religion or philosophy on earth, brought us together all of a sudden, to a new level of consciousness. Knowing that maybe we can blow up the planet fifty times, or 500 times, we finally realize that maybe we are all here together now.

For a period they had to keep setting off more bombs to get it in to us. Then we started saying, “we do not need this any more.” Now we are actually in a safer world than we have ever been in, and it is going to get safer. So I came back from my near-death experience loving toxic waste, because it brought us together. These things are so big. As Peter Russell might say, these problems are now “soul size.” Do we have soul size answers” YES!

The clearing of the rain forest will slow down, and in fifty years there will be more trees on the planet than in a long time. If you are into ecology, go for it; you are that part of the system that is becoming aware. Go for it with all your might, but do not be depressed. It is part of a larger thing.

Earth is in the process of domesticating itself. It is never again going to be as wild a place as it once was. There will be great wild places, reserves where nature thrives. Gardening and reserves will be the thing in the future. Population increase is getting very close to the optimal range of energy to cause a shift in consciousness. That shift in consciousness will change politics, money, energy.

After dying, going through my near-death experience and coming back, I really respect life and death. In our DNA experiments we may have opened the door to a great secret. Soon we will be able to live as long as we want to live in this body.

After living 150 years or so, there will be an intuitive soul sense that you will want to change channels. Living forever in one body is not as creative as reincarnation, as transferring energy in this fantastic vortex of energy that we are in. We are actually going to see the wisdom of life and death, and enjoy it. As it is now, we have already been alive forever.

This body, that you are in, has been alive forever. It comes from an unending stream of life, going back to the Big Bang and beyond.

This body gives life to the next life, in dense and subtle energy.

This body has been alive forever already.

Slowed to a crawl, my body was having its way with me. Lethargic, despondent, lost and out of sorts. Finally, I had no choice but to take its lead and stop, really STOP, get simple and find my way back to myself.

I have been certain for a long time that it is meaningful and necessary to allow the body to lead. We are always so busy thinking, strategizing, affirming, doing, figuring it out – often to the exclusion of what is going on with and for the body. It is challenging, not only to pay attention to the messages of the body, but also respect that innate bodily wisdom enough to allow it to lead the way.

I hadn’t been feeling well for quite some time, I’d say my overall sense of well-being was at about 40% – even though I was taking many steps and exploring several avenues to regain my health, it continued to elude me. Affecting all aspects of my life – it was as though every part of me was crying out for a break, some breathing room, a time-out. But I continued to effort, to try to push through and get done what I thought I needed to do. It felt unacceptable to do what I really was longing to do and that was to take a nap, read, stare out the window . . . I just kept going – it was like trying to run in knee deep mud.

Judgment crept in and started asking accusatory questions: Why in the world am I here? What purpose do I serve? What is wrong with me that I can’t seem to move forward? Why is success so elusive? I became cynical. Exhausted and uninspired, I was shutting down, closing my mind and my heart.

Until . . .

I gave myself permission to stop – full permission to stop all efforting.

Stop the judgment. Stop trying to find purpose. Stop trying to figure it out. And get simple, really simple. Chop wood. Carry water. Stop fighting what is NOT and be with what is. FULL STOP. Surrender to being nothing, going nowhere.

What a relief. Waves and waves of relief – to be in my life without the overlay of being someone who is doing something that has meaning and purpose, simply – living . . .

And it has been a challenge! To stop means to dis-identify with all the doing, with who I think I am or should be, to not have an agenda, a strategy or even a vision – to set the gear shift in neutral. It has taken time to stop. It has taken practice get simple. It has taken deep discipline let go.

And through that, there have been moments when I have been able to be still and quiet enough to access the great nothing that is everything, the immense nowhere that is everywhere and to rest there in the heartbeat of my life. My mind is open and receptive. My body is less defended and beginning to heal. My heart is soft. And I feel the gentle stirrings of inspiration. I am grateful for the wisdom of my body to lead me to this time of grace in my life.

And – if you’re wondering what all that looks like in relationship to my day to day business: I continue to be in my business as it presents itself to me. I want to allow it to reveal itself without the overlay of what I think it should be or who I should be within it. I will continue to teach classes, courses, workshops and individuals and create what comes to me to create from this non-doing place. Stay tuned as I continue to explore and share with you my discoveries of this great Mystery.

“Nothing but Mystery. Only Mystery. Getting this right to our marrow leaves us undressed at the corner of Nowhere and Nowhere with every road an endless ribboning carrying both an infinity of passengers and no one at all. This leaves our mind speechless, as everything morphs in and out of an everwild, familiarity-shredding arising that has no edge, no mappable infrastructure, no obligation to make sense . . .” Robert Masters

For over 20 years, Mary Gay Shafer has been my constant companion, unwavering ally, and wise mentor. She has compassionately guided me into the depths of my interior self and fostered the recognition and development of my natural gifts as a teacher and a leader. What best describes our partnership is anam cara, a Celtic term that means soul friend. The anam cara friendship awakens the fullness and mystery of life and cuts across all barriers of time, convention, philosophy, and definition. The Irish believe when you are blessed with an anam cara, you have arrived at that most sacred place.

And so it is with great pleasure that I share one of her teachings with you. __________________________________________________________

I first learned about submission while working with my Teacher, Brugh Joy. It was quite clear from the beginning that the way to experience the fullness of who Brugh was, and the depth of what he had to offer, was to make myself utterly available. I had to free myself from my dearly held protections. I needed to be willing to be seen – seen in ways I couldn’t see myself. Opening the gateway into the inner recesses of my being was a prerequisite to availability. It’s like this; you can open the front door to your home, but is all of what is inside really accessible to your guest? If I wanted to experience the unconditional love that Brugh embodied, I had to do much more than just show up. It helped that he was both vastly wise, and immensely loving, that I could trust him with my precious vulnerability. Trust, you see, factors in strongly in the ability to choose the unguarded, exposed state of availability.

There is a sequence of perceptions and shifts, a pathway, a developmental process, in becoming available to a teacher. First, is the necessary recognition of skill, even mastery, in the teacher. Thus, trust arises naturally. If trust is cultivated, nurtured, it evolves into what I call ‘radical trust’. It is radical because it puts us in a state of defenselessness in the face of the instincts that would have us reinforce our isolation and separateness. Once trust is established, there does need to be a conscious choice about allowing the teacher to influence you, to extend an invitation to be affected. Because this is not an act of giving away any of your personal integrity, not a gesture of weakness or inferiority, it then becomes essential that you give permission to the teacher to begin offering her gifts. It is at this point of authentic humility that submission enters the relationship.

Submission is a place of profound receptivity. I am not expecting, not projecting, not comparing, not judging, not exerting my identity in any way. I have become the paint tubes filled with all the colors of my uniqueness, as well as the blank canvas of pure openness awaiting the creative surge of the artist. My permission transitions into a deep communication to the teacher, an invitation, an active request to be restored to my essential magnificence and beauty, even if that entails a painful awakening.

And, it is important to acknowledge that not all teachings come through other human beings – sometimes life itself can be the teacher. When one is available, the teachings come from a multitude of sources. The old saying that “When the student is ready, the teacher appears” is true! And this dynamic process also occurs in less dramatic forms, even in the simple moments, like stopping to smell the roses.

In our essence, we are all magnificent. Recognize each and every moment, that you can give yourself the gift of submitting, whether to the beauty of nature, the gaze of a beloved partner, friend or pet, or countless other ways to be exquisitely available. It is through the spiritual practice of submission that you can come fully into yourself and your life, available to everything and everyone.

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Mary Gay Shafer, MA (in transpersonal psychology) has been a spiritual teacher for several decades and offers a variety of formats for exploring the soul-partnering relationship of student and teacher. Here is how she describes her work:

Teaching has been my lifelong calling. It has evolved through artistic and spiritual explorations, culminating in the recognition that these two are intrinsically related in a vivid interior life. Their pairing synthesized my innate abilities. It is through creative imagination and an encompassing understanding of the human spirit that I consider myself an  artistof the soul.

My offerings will carefully guide you on an adventure to discover both your authentic self-expression and inherent capacity for a fulfilled life. I invite you to retreat to the mountains, the ocean, or the desert. I ask that you embark upon the journey that will take you Home. I offer you my eyes so that you may see your beauty and my insights so that you may know your depths. This is my passion. This is why I teach. My heart recognizes you in your wholeness.

She can be contacted at mgshafer@comcast.net.

deep blessings to you, Carol

I just completed an 11-day Gyrokinesis intensive training in Miami. This training was both arduous and inspiring. It’s always a pressure cooker when I go to trainings led by Juliu Horvath – there is a certain level of intensity, a quickening, just being around the creative and demanding brilliance of the founder of this work. These trainings are not for beginners; rather the 20-30 participating teachers had already attained some level of proficiency and were devoted to the work. The energy was electric!

Each day we learned the movements, the rhythms, the details, the tactile and verbal cueing – everything we needed to experience in our own body in order toe be able to teach this work. We spent time paired up with each other to practice, practice, practice . . . which can be nerve-racking. We all want to teach each other well, be present and available, give meaningful feedback – to be a brilliant teacher and an outstanding student.

During the final days of the training, we paired up to teach each other the formats in their entirety; one person would teach in the morning and after a long break, the other would teach in the afternoon.

My partner for the first format taught me in the morning. She did a lovely job and gave me a really good class. I felt well-worked and well-supported.

In the afternoon it was my turn. I always have a bit of performance anxiety in these situations and that caused me to fumble early on in the routine. Once I fumbled, I lost my “student” and, try as I might, I could not bring her back. In that brief moment of awkwardness, she became un-teachable – going through the routine on her own, not listening to my cues or engaging with me. That, in and of itself, was quite challenging. When it was over, her feedback was unkind and insensitive – and she would have nothing to do with the feedback I gave her. It was clear that she had decided I was an inferior teacher, unworthy of teaching her or giving meaningful feedback.

I was struck dumb – literally, my mind went totally blank. I felt frozen. It took awhile for me to come back to myself, to re-embody my being, to reclaim my confidence as a teacher. Once I did that and reflected back on the situation, well, a few things happened. First I wondered why I hadn’t slapped her, at least verbally. Once that passed, I realized that this young woman had missed an opportunity to be taught by me. She lost the chance to learn this work in a different way than how she teaches it. She was unavailable to learn from me the reverent, soulful and unfolding quality of this work as I teach it. I felt great sorrow in that – for both of us.

We all know there is an art to teaching. There is also an art to being teachable. My friend and spiritual mentor, Mary Gay Shafer and I have discussed this frequently and it is through her that this teaching becomes vividly clear and alive as a practice. The student and the teacher have a mutual responsibility to:

• be available to what is being taught
• actively extend an invitation so the material can be entered as deeply as possible
• give ongoing permission to be met,  instructed and guided

And, honestly, no matter how good or bad a teacher is, how relevant or unrelated a teaching may seem – if we are teachable, we will always learn, always gain from being open, and always receive the gift that any given moment has to offer. And, every moment is full of potential. Let yourself be vulnerable. Consider everyone and everything a worthy teacher. Throw out all the strategies of defense and be humbled by the vastness of what has yet to be discovered in this precious human experience. Choose to be teachable.

deep blessings to you, Carol

Stay Tuned! Mary Gay will be my guest author for the next e-rhythm on the art of teaching and leading.

“To be in a more selfless expression of service is to cultivate the kind of sensitivity that can detect degrees of receptivity. Knowing the extent to which someone is available, whether an invitation has been extended and/or if permission has been granted will guide you in the content and depth of your offering. Discerning these components of receptivity requires perceiving what is transpiring beneath the surface of your relationship.” Mary Gay Shafer

Often when we are attempting a new movement, our first reaction is confusion. If the routine is unfamiliar, we feel uncoordinated. When this newness points us toward a challenging aspect of our body in motion, we decide we are too weak or puny and give up – or try to power through it in an attempt to prove ourselves strong and able.

The truth is that our bodymind has simply not yet organized itself around the new information.

I recently took a series of classes from a very skillful Gyrotonic Master Trainer. It was great fun, quite challenging and very humbling. There was one particular move he asked me to do that my body had never done before. The first time I attempted it, I simply could not do it. After several attempts, I stopped and scratched my head and asked, “Where does that come from in my body and why can’t I do it?” He reminded me that it really isn’t about where it comes from; it’s about organizing around what you are asking your body to do.

This is clearly not just an intellectual endeavor. It is a process of patiently allowing the body to explore what is being asked of it so that the movement can unfold in a way that is natural and organic. The mind grasps a concept at lightning speed, part of its astonishing brilliance. The body, however, learns through repetition. This can sometimes put the mind and the body at odds, as the mind becomes impatient with the measured and deliberate way in which the body learns and integrates the movement. And yet, if they work together to contemplate and reiterate the move – it is a thing of beauty! It is through this union, communion and mutuality that deep intelligence awakens and courses freely through our being, quickly able to discern the mechanics, play with the sensations and pulsate with the exuberance of new found discovery. That’s the fun of it! It is in this process of unfolding that movement becomes meaningful, joyful and pleasurable!

A few days later, I tried the same impossible move and amazingly was able to do it! My body and mind, having percolated and contemplated, had organized around the information received through my first attempt. Now I could dive more deeply into the move, discover its nuances and relax into the pure enjoyment of my body in motion.

The next time you are attempting to learn a new move, become more adept in your sport, increase the difficulty of your current workout, acquire a skill that is unfamiliar – notice if there is any impatience, judgment or force in the learning and see if you can switch that to cooperation and curiosity. Let go of over-efforting and ease into the feedback that you are receiving from your mind and your body. Let it go for a day or two and see if that doesn’t bring a greater sense of clarity, ease and pleasure to your learning and to your body in motion.

Deep blessings, Carol

Learning about the body is so intriguing! I am continually amazed by its capacity and encouraged in my certainty of its place in living a conscious and evolved life! In The Body Has a Mind of Its Own, the authors, Sandra and Matthew Blakeslee, present the emerging science of body maps; how mind and body intertwine to create your embodied, feeling self. I am quickened and delighted by this material – and I have only read the first few chapters! The thing of it is; this information feels familiar – I may not have thought about in exactly these terms, but I recognize this information as holding fundamental truths, truths that movement and teaching movement have revealed to me.

In the introduction, they ask you to use your arms, legs, head, neck, tongue, torso, butt to explore the invisible space all around your body and state, “This invisible volume of space around your body out to arm’s length—what neuroscientists call peripersonal space—is part of you.”

They go on to say, “This is not a metaphor, but a recently discovered physiological fact. Through a special mapping procedure, your brain annexes this space to your limbs and body, clothing you in it like an extended, ghostly skin. The maps that encode your physical body are connected directly, immediately, personally to a map of every point in that space and also map out your potential to perform actions in that space. Your self does not end where your flesh ends, but suffuses and blends with the world, including other beings.”

Fascinating – yes? Your brain appropriates this space for use by the body!

For quite some time, I have coached students to imagine the space around them as part of the movement – and this information augments that idea. And it is more than an idea, it’s real! It has substance! And it has already proven to be a source of support and inspiration to my students. For instance – I have a student who has struggled with the weight of her head in the curl up (long bow) position, causing tension in her neck. I encouraged her to become aware of the full circle of space all around her, suggesting she use the bottom side of the circle to support her head – she found relief and strength as she pressed the back of her head into this “imaginary circle.”

See if you can feel into this annexing of space. Notice how it supports you. Has your brain annexed the chair you are sitting in and has it become part of the support system that your body is using? The next time you workout, see if you can feel how the equipment you are using has been commandeered as part of your potential to perform. The possibilities are endless and intriguing. And I can’t wait to see how this information grows our ability to be more thoroughly embodied!

Deep blessings, Carol

Here’s a great way to Liven Up! Attend the upcoming body rolling class for your feet, knees and hips. After 2 hours of rolling you will feel deeply released, vibrantly alive, fully present,  and at peace. Really! I know it sounds like lofty promises, but this work delivers. Hope you can join me!

Save Your Feet, Knees & Hips!

A comprehensive class where you will be expertly guided
in how to support and release your feet, knees and hips.

Saturday • November 13, 2010
11:00 am – 1:00 pm • Price $45

Join us for this invigorating class that will help you lengthen and tone your feet, knees and hips. This course will supply the basic, experiential information you need to keep these 3 areas unrestricted, aligned and fully functioning. If you have issues with stiffness, pain, lack of mobility or weakness in any of these areas, this class is for you! You will leave with a sense of spacious freedom in your body, a quiet yet awake mind and an overall sense of peace and well-being.

If you feel like you’ve been there, done that – think again. This is all new work from Yamuna’s “Save Your Body Parts,” created to give you ways to keep all your parts in good working order Now and in the Future. She has simplified and clarified this work so that you understand what each body part needs to prevent the common breakdowns.

Please join me!

Taking this time to create length, strength and space in your body will
leave you with a sense of freedom and a feeling
of being quietly energized and profoundly present.

You will feel absolutely fantastic!!!!

Contact Carol for information and registration

Even though I haven’t been posting, I have been exploring “Both/And.” Which includes everything! There is nothing that is excluded from the ebb and flow of form and formless, finite and infinite . . The field is wide open as to how to engage this material.

I’ve been spending quite a bit of time with Robert Masters book, Spiritual Bypassing - a worthy read as it clears up so many of the ways we misuse our spirituality to avoid rather that include – everything. Today I’d like to share a passage from his book about nondual teachings. Wonderful fodder for the inescapable inquiry!

“In nonduality there is no dissociation from phenomena, no withdrawal from life, no bypassing, no avoidance of manifesting as form. And there is no truly separate self, no discrete knower, no autonomous entity standing apart from and seeing all of this. There is no past, no future, and nowhere to go, just a freedom beyond imagining. This may sound like madness to our usual self but not to who we really are. To our mind, nonduality is inescapably and unyieldingly paradoxical, but to our heart of hearts, it is living truth. In nondual awareness the personality is no longer the locus of self but nonetheless still persists – and why shouldn’t it? If we are truly at home in (and as) the nondual, then personality, like everything else, is just one more nonbinding expression of nondual being, needing not annihilation but rather recognition and acceptance. To nondual awareness, everything is God – anger, joy, duality, personality, clouds, wonder, fear. There is only the Real, only the One, only the Mystery, outshining any language with which we attempt to describe it – and if we genuinely recognize this, there is no abandonment of our humanness, no employing of nondual teachings to separate out from the more difficult challenges of life, no turning away from the demands of relationship.” Robert Masters

We are unique and individual.

We are one with everything.

Seemingly disparate and oppositional statements. Both are true and both arise simultaneously in every moment

How can that be?

This is what makes being human so fascinating. We are “both, and;” simultaneously unique and One – multi-dimensional and multi-faceted, distinct renderings of Life. And this only makes sense when we realize that we are, each and every one of us, an expression of the Divine – that is at once the Many as well as the One.

We tend to get lost in feeling separate, other, alone and disconnected – polarized in our uniqueness. What is important to realize is that our uniqueness does not make us separate; our belief in our separateness is the only thing that holds us apart from realizing our place in the all that is. The universal life force that animates everything (and that’s a lot!) expresses as the unique being that is you, me, them, us, we, thee . . . in all the infinite forms that can be expressed. Everything is a distinct interpretation and expression of God.

As a concept, this is doable, thinkable, perhaps even logical. As a reality, as a direct experience, it can be elusive. How then, do we make room for our uniqueness as an explicit expression of our universality?

Practice. There must be a deliberate turning toward the One in order for It to reveal you to yourself – an open-ended and sincere inquiry into the inescapable “both, and” that is your true nature as a human being. And, practice is, well, it’s unique – unique to each and every person! Perhaps it is meditation, or prayer, or mindful movement, or hiking, or chanting, or . . . the form does not matter as much as the intention with which you approach your practice and its relevance to you, your life and your way of being in the world. It seems to me that without an ongoing, meaningful and relevant practice, each of us will stay mired in suffering; the belief that “I am separate.”

I must confess, I’ve been a bit lax in my own practice lately and can feel the effect. I am more prone to moods, less nurturing of myself and others, caught in feeling alone, more stuck in front of the computer, and, and, and . . . I’m thinking I am not the only one in this circumstance.

Here is what I propose. I would like to embark, with you, on a 30-day immersion into the art and practice of “Both, And;” exploring our uniqueness as an expression of the One. And because the e-rhythm newsletter is not particularly interactive we could come together through my Rhythm of Life Blog (which you can subscribe to on the sidebar of my homepage: www.rolife.com). I will post my updates, practice prompts, insights, progress, challenges – and invite you to do the same through the response box at the end of each post. Also, when you subscribe to the blog you will receive “Liven Up” and “Notable Nuggets.”

Please join me – let’s create community around this worthy exploration of the inescapable, “both, and.” Let’s plan on starting on Monday November 1st and continue through the month.

in body & soul, Carol

Many of us (particularly women) have, at one time or another, been guilty of talkin’ trash to or about our bodies.  You know – words and phrases filled with the judgment and distaste we sometimes feel when we look in the mirror, have aches and pains or find it difficult to maneuver around our physical lives. These rubbish words are plentiful and easily identifiable. You know what I’m talking about – we each have our favorite areas of aversion and ongoing allegations against the body. These thoughts are the easy ones to catch because they are so blatantly mean. And, I trust that you are doing what you can to be aware of that nasty voice and to quiet it with the deep love and acceptance that you inherently have for your body.

What about the more subtle ways you disrespect your body? hold it in contempt?  make unreasonable demands of it? wish it were anything but what it is? hate that it hurts, is sensitive or sick? are disappointed that it is not as resilient as it used to be? ignore its communication and wish it would just shut up?

These subtle messages flow below the surface of awareness, are non-verbal and much more destructive than the obvious ones. Is the answer to go after all those sneaky, subversive ways of judging ourselves, identify and then try to undo each one? Yuk! That sounds overwhelming, exhausting, unproductive, zero fun and potentially depressing.

What to do? Here are a few ideas:

Instead of thinking of the body as an IT, think of your body as SHE or HE. This takes you out of an object orientation with your body and into the possibility of relationship, partnership and mutuality. How is SHE feeling? What does SHE need?  What brings HER joy? How can I help HER? See if you can feel the difference in this simple turn of phrase.

Accept HER as she is, right here and right now. This may seem like old news, a bit trite and overused. It isn’t. The internalized programming that we can only accept her under certain conditions (thin, pretty, pain free, graceful, athletic . . .) must be arrested and put asunder – not by convincing yourself that she already has these attributes, but by letting go of needing her to be anything but what she is. Wanting her to be other than who she is currently,places you firmly in the future, unable to appreciate her or even truly experience her right now.

Yesterday during my errands around town, I practiced deep acceptance – not only for myself but for every woman I saw. I looked at each imperfectly perfect body and sent her unconditional love and acceptance. A sigh of relief moved through me and I felt waves of deep appreciation for women and a softening toward the challenges that we face, as a collective – needing desperately to relax the hardness with which we judge our bodies and nurture a more joyous and pleasurable way of being with her and caring for her.

Deep blessings to you and your body,  Carol

“ . . . God has been here all along. In the noise and in the stillness, in the upheavals and in the rafts of peace. In each moment of kindness you lavish upon your breaking heart or the size of your thighs, with each breath you take – God has been here. She is you.” Geneen Roth