Slowed to a crawl, my body was having its way with me. Lethargic, despondent, lost and out of sorts. Finally, I had no choice but to take its lead and stop, really STOP, get simple and find my way back to myself.

I have been certain for a long time that it is meaningful and necessary to allow the body to lead. We are always so busy thinking, strategizing, affirming, doing, figuring it out – often to the exclusion of what is going on with and for the body. It is challenging, not only to pay attention to the messages of the body, but also respect that innate bodily wisdom enough to allow it to lead the way.

I hadn’t been feeling well for quite some time, I’d say my overall sense of well-being was at about 40% – even though I was taking many steps and exploring several avenues to regain my health, it continued to elude me. Affecting all aspects of my life – it was as though every part of me was crying out for a break, some breathing room, a time-out. But I continued to effort, to try to push through and get done what I thought I needed to do. It felt unacceptable to do what I really was longing to do and that was to take a nap, read, stare out the window . . . I just kept going – it was like trying to run in knee deep mud.

Judgment crept in and started asking accusatory questions: Why in the world am I here? What purpose do I serve? What is wrong with me that I can’t seem to move forward? Why is success so elusive? I became cynical. Exhausted and uninspired, I was shutting down, closing my mind and my heart.

Until . . .

I gave myself permission to stop – full permission to stop all efforting.

Stop the judgment. Stop trying to find purpose. Stop trying to figure it out. And get simple, really simple. Chop wood. Carry water. Stop fighting what is NOT and be with what is. FULL STOP. Surrender to being nothing, going nowhere.

What a relief. Waves and waves of relief – to be in my life without the overlay of being someone who is doing something that has meaning and purpose, simply – living . . .

And it has been a challenge! To stop means to dis-identify with all the doing, with who I think I am or should be, to not have an agenda, a strategy or even a vision – to set the gear shift in neutral. It has taken time to stop. It has taken practice get simple. It has taken deep discipline let go.

And through that, there have been moments when I have been able to be still and quiet enough to access the great nothing that is everything, the immense nowhere that is everywhere and to rest there in the heartbeat of my life. My mind is open and receptive. My body is less defended and beginning to heal. My heart is soft. And I feel the gentle stirrings of inspiration. I am grateful for the wisdom of my body to lead me to this time of grace in my life.

And – if you’re wondering what all that looks like in relationship to my day to day business: I continue to be in my business as it presents itself to me. I want to allow it to reveal itself without the overlay of what I think it should be or who I should be within it. I will continue to teach classes, courses, workshops and individuals and create what comes to me to create from this non-doing place. Stay tuned as I continue to explore and share with you my discoveries of this great Mystery.

“Nothing but Mystery. Only Mystery. Getting this right to our marrow leaves us undressed at the corner of Nowhere and Nowhere with every road an endless ribboning carrying both an infinity of passengers and no one at all. This leaves our mind speechless, as everything morphs in and out of an everwild, familiarity-shredding arising that has no edge, no mappable infrastructure, no obligation to make sense . . .” Robert Masters

Often when we are attempting a new movement, our first reaction is confusion. If the routine is unfamiliar, we feel uncoordinated. When this newness points us toward a challenging aspect of our body in motion, we decide we are too weak or puny and give up – or try to power through it in an attempt to prove ourselves strong and able.

The truth is that our bodymind has simply not yet organized itself around the new information.

I recently took a series of classes from a very skillful Gyrotonic Master Trainer. It was great fun, quite challenging and very humbling. There was one particular move he asked me to do that my body had never done before. The first time I attempted it, I simply could not do it. After several attempts, I stopped and scratched my head and asked, “Where does that come from in my body and why can’t I do it?” He reminded me that it really isn’t about where it comes from; it’s about organizing around what you are asking your body to do.

This is clearly not just an intellectual endeavor. It is a process of patiently allowing the body to explore what is being asked of it so that the movement can unfold in a way that is natural and organic. The mind grasps a concept at lightning speed, part of its astonishing brilliance. The body, however, learns through repetition. This can sometimes put the mind and the body at odds, as the mind becomes impatient with the measured and deliberate way in which the body learns and integrates the movement. And yet, if they work together to contemplate and reiterate the move – it is a thing of beauty! It is through this union, communion and mutuality that deep intelligence awakens and courses freely through our being, quickly able to discern the mechanics, play with the sensations and pulsate with the exuberance of new found discovery. That’s the fun of it! It is in this process of unfolding that movement becomes meaningful, joyful and pleasurable!

A few days later, I tried the same impossible move and amazingly was able to do it! My body and mind, having percolated and contemplated, had organized around the information received through my first attempt. Now I could dive more deeply into the move, discover its nuances and relax into the pure enjoyment of my body in motion.

The next time you are attempting to learn a new move, become more adept in your sport, increase the difficulty of your current workout, acquire a skill that is unfamiliar – notice if there is any impatience, judgment or force in the learning and see if you can switch that to cooperation and curiosity. Let go of over-efforting and ease into the feedback that you are receiving from your mind and your body. Let it go for a day or two and see if that doesn’t bring a greater sense of clarity, ease and pleasure to your learning and to your body in motion.

Deep blessings, Carol

Learning about the body is so intriguing! I am continually amazed by its capacity and encouraged in my certainty of its place in living a conscious and evolved life! In The Body Has a Mind of Its Own, the authors, Sandra and Matthew Blakeslee, present the emerging science of body maps; how mind and body intertwine to create your embodied, feeling self. I am quickened and delighted by this material – and I have only read the first few chapters! The thing of it is; this information feels familiar – I may not have thought about in exactly these terms, but I recognize this information as holding fundamental truths, truths that movement and teaching movement have revealed to me.

In the introduction, they ask you to use your arms, legs, head, neck, tongue, torso, butt to explore the invisible space all around your body and state, “This invisible volume of space around your body out to arm’s length—what neuroscientists call peripersonal space—is part of you.”

They go on to say, “This is not a metaphor, but a recently discovered physiological fact. Through a special mapping procedure, your brain annexes this space to your limbs and body, clothing you in it like an extended, ghostly skin. The maps that encode your physical body are connected directly, immediately, personally to a map of every point in that space and also map out your potential to perform actions in that space. Your self does not end where your flesh ends, but suffuses and blends with the world, including other beings.”

Fascinating – yes? Your brain appropriates this space for use by the body!

For quite some time, I have coached students to imagine the space around them as part of the movement – and this information augments that idea. And it is more than an idea, it’s real! It has substance! And it has already proven to be a source of support and inspiration to my students. For instance – I have a student who has struggled with the weight of her head in the curl up (long bow) position, causing tension in her neck. I encouraged her to become aware of the full circle of space all around her, suggesting she use the bottom side of the circle to support her head – she found relief and strength as she pressed the back of her head into this “imaginary circle.”

See if you can feel into this annexing of space. Notice how it supports you. Has your brain annexed the chair you are sitting in and has it become part of the support system that your body is using? The next time you workout, see if you can feel how the equipment you are using has been commandeered as part of your potential to perform. The possibilities are endless and intriguing. And I can’t wait to see how this information grows our ability to be more thoroughly embodied!

Deep blessings, Carol

We, as human beings, are a complex blend of form and formless, made up of physical matter and energy – add to that the rich capacity for consciousness and what you have is a complex life form that is simultaneously finite and infinite.

We are matter – dense, physical, animal, body. We are energy – breath, essence, life-force, unseen. We are consciousness – self-aware, responsive, perceiving, evolving.  I find this to be fertile ground for exploration.

Breath is a wonderful way to experience this blend – we cannot see breath, yet it is essential to our physical life. And if we are conscious of our breath, we become present in this moment. Here are a few ways to play with your breath:

• Notice your breath as it moves in and out of your body. Sit quietly with your eyes closed and take a few natural breaths, becoming tuned in and aware. Slow the breath down and deepen it. As you inhale, feel the whisper of sensation in your nostrils, the passing of the air through your windpipe, the soft expansion of your lungs, the lift of your diaphragm, the subtle spreading of your ribcage, the quiet rise of your belly. As you exhale, feel the belly soften, the ribs drift in, the diaphragm relax and the throat open as the breath falls out of the body.
• Let yourself be breathed. Imagine that life is breathing you. Instead of actively inhaling and exhaling, become passive and pretend you are on a cosmic breathing machine that fills you with life giving breath and then receives that breathe back from you – an exchange of breath from the infinite to the finite and back again. Fun!

I also find movement to be great way to play with form and formless. The sideways figure 8, a symbol for infinity, is a holistic way to expand this experience and is incorporated into much of the movement in Gyrokinesis. Try this:

• Sit on the edge of chair or stool so that you can sit directly on top of your sit bones. Have your legs in an open V, and engage your abdominals so that you feel grounded and supported by your lower body. Now sit tall, lengthening the spine all the way from your sacrum to the top of your head. As you go through the movement, move the entire torso and head as one piece – like a stick figure.
• Tip from the hip and let the entire torso and head fall forward through the center as one piece. Sweep your body in a circular motion around and out to the right. Lean back at the center, then fall forward and sweep out and around to the left. Exhale each time you go through center and inhale as you go around to the back. Create a smooth continuous movement becoming more and more aware of the sideways figure 8 that you are creating with your body and with your breath.
• When you are comfortable with the basic move, close your eyes and continue moving in this pattern. Explore the round edges of infinity and the angular intersection as you pass through center on your way to the other side of infinity. See if you can feel how the infinite interacts and intersects with the finite, formless weaves through form and matter mingles with non-matter.
• Begin to make the physical figure 8 smaller and smaller, all the while allowing the energetic figure 8 to expand. Finally, come to rest in the center of the cross point of infinity. This is a place of great quiet, deep presence and grand neutrality. Take a few moments to savor and enjoy.

What other ways do you know of to explore and experience this multi-faceted human life?

in body & soul, Carol

“When God created Himself, He created Himself in two aspects: the Infinite and the finite. When you think of the finite, you think of form, and when you think of the Infinite, you feel that there is no form. However, inside the finite is the message of the Infinite; in the finite is first the revelation and then the manifestation of the Infinite. The finite is necessary because it is through the finite that the Infinite plays its role in the cosmic rhythm here on earth. At the same time, the Infinite is necessary because it is in the Infinite that the finite has its eternal shelter. There it finds protection and perfection.” Sri Chinmoy

Many of us (particularly women) have, at one time or another, been guilty of talkin’ trash to or about our bodies.  You know – words and phrases filled with the judgment and distaste we sometimes feel when we look in the mirror, have aches and pains or find it difficult to maneuver around our physical lives. These rubbish words are plentiful and easily identifiable. You know what I’m talking about – we each have our favorite areas of aversion and ongoing allegations against the body. These thoughts are the easy ones to catch because they are so blatantly mean. And, I trust that you are doing what you can to be aware of that nasty voice and to quiet it with the deep love and acceptance that you inherently have for your body.

What about the more subtle ways you disrespect your body? hold it in contempt?  make unreasonable demands of it? wish it were anything but what it is? hate that it hurts, is sensitive or sick? are disappointed that it is not as resilient as it used to be? ignore its communication and wish it would just shut up?

These subtle messages flow below the surface of awareness, are non-verbal and much more destructive than the obvious ones. Is the answer to go after all those sneaky, subversive ways of judging ourselves, identify and then try to undo each one? Yuk! That sounds overwhelming, exhausting, unproductive, zero fun and potentially depressing.

What to do? Here are a few ideas:

Instead of thinking of the body as an IT, think of your body as SHE or HE. This takes you out of an object orientation with your body and into the possibility of relationship, partnership and mutuality. How is SHE feeling? What does SHE need?  What brings HER joy? How can I help HER? See if you can feel the difference in this simple turn of phrase.

Accept HER as she is, right here and right now. This may seem like old news, a bit trite and overused. It isn’t. The internalized programming that we can only accept her under certain conditions (thin, pretty, pain free, graceful, athletic . . .) must be arrested and put asunder – not by convincing yourself that she already has these attributes, but by letting go of needing her to be anything but what she is. Wanting her to be other than who she is currently,places you firmly in the future, unable to appreciate her or even truly experience her right now.

Yesterday during my errands around town, I practiced deep acceptance – not only for myself but for every woman I saw. I looked at each imperfectly perfect body and sent her unconditional love and acceptance. A sigh of relief moved through me and I felt waves of deep appreciation for women and a softening toward the challenges that we face, as a collective – needing desperately to relax the hardness with which we judge our bodies and nurture a more joyous and pleasurable way of being with her and caring for her.

Deep blessings to you and your body,  Carol

“ . . . God has been here all along. In the noise and in the stillness, in the upheavals and in the rafts of peace. In each moment of kindness you lavish upon your breaking heart or the size of your thighs, with each breath you take – God has been here. She is you.” Geneen Roth